Monday, August 21, 2006

Time

Finally, I feel myself believing that this is "my time".

For the last seven months, even though I have not been working full-time, I have continued to feel very protective of my time. I found the nagging anxiety on Sundays to be obnoxious given that Monday morning was mine. My body still did not believe it.

During the first six months of this transition, I stayed busy. I was literally out of Pittsburgh one week each month, and consulting or volunteering several days a week when I was here. In addition, Nick was traveling a lot for work, and when he was gone, it was difficult to find a routine and feel relaxed in the space I had.

This month has been different. We have both been in Pittsburgh all month, and I have not consulted or volunteered at all. I have finally found a rhythm of creating daily and always having time to myself. Finally the days blend together, and the beauty of the weekend is having Nick around. The beauty of Monday is having my own space again to finish up projects, run errands, clean, etc....knowing that a busy Monday does not mean a lost week.

Today is a day full of errands. Right up there on my list of things to put off. However, I know that after I get home I'll have several hours to work on my own things and tomorrow I may not have to go anywhere at all. (I'm trying to ignore the fact that the house needs to be cleaned.)

In this space, I can finally imagine myself wanting to work away from home again some day. In some ways, that is really reassuring. On the other hand, I didn't say now.

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