Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Good, The Bad, and The Subsequently Painful



Let's start with the good. I awoke this morning to the kind of darkness only brought on by an early morning storm. It was fabulous. Even now that its officially day, the light is dim, the pouring rain is intermittent and emitting a beautiful sound, and the thunder and lightening are exciting. I snuck out back between rain storms and took this picture of our back patio. The wind obviously helped to place the bright yellow leaves. I love the light on days like this.

So, the bad. I have been having anxiety dreams. Often dreams like this are not related to actual events in life. With that said, the last two nights I have had dreams very much related to what's actually happening in my life. Two nights ago I dreamed of coordinating a wedding on the coast as a hurricane approached. Last night I dreamed that I had four separate friends going into labor at the same time and I got confused and thought I needed to be at each of the births to take pictures but they were all hours apart. (I think this is because of considering sleeping an hour away sometime in the next week.) I really only need to be at one and it is local. The other thing I dreamed about last night was the class that I am visiting today. I am supposed to take the books that I've been working on and share it with a book-making class. I dreamed that I got there and had not brought anything with me. The teacher was really pissed off at me and I offered to drive home to get it and she got even angrier because I'd throwing off her plan for the day. So, I tried desperately to get online and find my blog since I have pictures of some of my books on here, but I couldn't figure out how to use the damn computer! Somehow my months of exclusive Mac use had prevented me from having any clue with a PC.

Now the painful. Stress does this lovely thing to me where it stacks heavy in the muscles of my neck and shoulders. Last time I went for a massage, the woman said that I didn't strike her as a stressful person, that I seemed very calm to her. Then she started working on my neck and shoulders and equated me to a duck on a pond. At first glance the duck looks very still and peaceful, possibly even asleep. However, under water they're paddling like hell. I awakened this morning to a sore neck, upper back and a migraine threatening to take hold and kill my day.

I know that what I am stressed about is really not these specific events. I think that I am having stressful dreams about them only because they are the solid, certain things going on right now. Everything else is unknown and there doesn't seem to be anyway to process the waiting in a tangible way.

I've got to either figure out how to deal with stress differently or else how to come up with the money to have a massage every other week.

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