Sunday, June 10, 2007

Counting Down

Our trip to PA is a time for rest, relaxation, regrouping, and most importantly renewal.

In five days I am scheduled to have a laporoscopic hysterectomy. We made the decision about six weeks ago and feel like it is really a good step...a way to reclaim health, a way to let go, a way to move forward. It isn't something I've written about-all the details that got us to this point-but it has been a significant part of our last six months, not to mention the last four years.

At 29 years old, it doesn't make sense to most people. Most doctors have bulked at the idea until they look at my history and then agree that it is a good and reasonable decision. Many think that something must be possible and then realize that it is very unlikely. The overall perspective from our fertility doctor was that I have one of the most complicated cases that he has seen in his career-he is a nationally regarded fertility doctor in his sixties (we think). The chances of us ever conceiving are very slim and the concern would continue that my body could not sustain a healthy pregnancy. After two uterine surgeries, persistent fibroids in place (currently making my uterus the size of a 14-16 week pregnancy), and four years of ups and downs related to my reproductive health, we both just feel ready to move on.

So, what does this include? On the post-surgery end, it means one night in the hospital and about a 2-3 weeks recovery. On the coping end, I seem to have a lot of anxiety about the whole thing. It's hard to explain to people and I have found that the vast majority choose not to talk about it. It isn't something anyone I know can relate to, but I'm incredibly grateful to the friends who are comfortable with that and have been continually supportive.

I look forward to waking up sometime next Friday in that drugged haze that accompanies surgery. It is a nice feeling that will indicates that all is well and now it is just time to recover.

To accompany this time, I thought I'd also to make some changes to my blog layout. Not sure what I think and so I'll continue to play with it over the next couple of days. As I focus on rest and relaxation, it is the only goal I have this week.


Matthew said...

beck & nick, you are both in my well and take good care. abrazos, matt

p.noel said...

Hi becky! it's been a while! I'm sorry to hear that you had to experience yet another surgery, but am so glad that it will lead to a better-feeling becky! you are so smart and brave! Maybe we can get together some time and do something crafty! I hope you're feeling better, and that you and nick are doing great. take care!